Well, it's been a year. Evidently something about summer leaves me in the mood to write. Or maybe I just come here when I'm desperate, which is far more likely. Not that this will change anything anymore since I made the blog private. I just tried to force yself to throw up. Couldn't pull it off. My finger tasted horrible, and thought I did "gag" it didn't induce nausea. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I didn't get on the scale because I"m afraid of what it will say, but yesterday I was 118, and I definitely don't feel any skinnier. My eating habbits are so unhealthy. I just eat. Everything. And it's all sugar too. Time to cut sugar.
Goal 1: No candy
Goal 2: No soda

Goal 3: Muscles.
Goal 4: No half conscious snacking.

I'll know I've reached my goals when I have lost 20 lbs.

Here's to the freshmen (-)15!

theres a little piece of me thats dissapointed in myself for taking ibuprofin again. I've made it months just living with the migraines and the aches and pains. But I like this feeling. I like tracking the drugs progression as the pain slowly ebbs away. It's comforting. It's comfortable. It puts me in control.
I can't focus. My mind is fuzzy. My eyes aren't actually looking. There's so much i should be doing. So much I should have done.
So much i gave up.
Fun. You would think it to be a fundamental. A building block. A basic concept.
I have no notion of it. I can't remember the last time. I'm trying  so hard to remember wheen life was exciting. what was it like to get up in the mroning? Did I used to have questions?
Now I'm falling asleep with five hours worth of homework due in 8 hours. I haven't slept well in months. I haven't showered in a week. I haven't brushed my teeth in two. I haven't comprehended anything in months.

Is it?

Is it still selfish to kill yourself if it's just so you won't hurt anyone else?