Yesterday I had a photo shoot because I needed a head shot and arabesque (ballet position{sorry about spelling}) for my auditions next month. After I plastered my face with makeup to look somewhat presentable she started talking about how "pretty" I was. She has taken full credit. She also said I should put on all of that makeup everyday. Is there something wrong with going for a more natural this is who I am? I have braces, I have the ugliest smile. Why would I want to wear lipstick and draw attention?
Sorry, it's not her fault I don't feel "beautiful." I'm just sick of everyone telling me I'm thin, or pretty, or cute, or beautiful. It doesn't mean anything if I don't feel that way. I've watched as my mother dates. Her complete obsession with makeup, with what all the guys say to her, with how jealous other girls are, it scares me. I feel sorry for her, and I don't want to end up dating and being dependent on everyone else for my self image and confidence. According to Rousseau, there are two kinds of self love: that based in you own confidence and love of who you are, and that based in how you compare to those around you. A compliment is lovely. But personally, I'd rather someone complimented my mind, my personality, my accomplishments, my ideas. Beauty is so relative and opinionated. I just want to be accepted for who I am, not what. We are all beautiful!
On another note, there were a few nice pictures. I didn't like the dance photos, I hate myself in a leotard and tights, but the "fashion" shots, and head shot in which I had a hat on I really liked. :)
I'm going to work on my self value. Perhaps a new years resolution? I want to believe that I am beautiful, I want to be beautiful in my own eyes.
I wish the same to anyone who is reading!
And if you are lost like me, I hope you find yourself as I hope the same for myself.
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