I can't think. There are always words but they never come. I can't connect ideas anymore. I have to try so hard just to focus, just to drown out the world long enough to comprehend what I should have been doing, let alone what I should be doing and what everyone else is doing. It just doesn't feel worth it anymore. I'm only doing things because that's what I used to do. That's no way to live a life. That's no way to grow. I look at myself and I Hate what I see.
I want so badly to feel loved, but it's impossible. I never see enough to be worth it, so how can I feel it? And it's the thing I'm most afraid of. The thought of what it could become. What my parents have been through. What I've been through. Everyone. Everywhere I look I see heartbreak. I see one deflated spirit after another. I don't want to believe it.
I just want to get away; I want to escape it all. But I feel the weight of anchors pulling me away from the surface, from the break in the see. That brief view where two worlds collide. I need air. I can't breath down here. My fragile framework was not meant to sustain this much pressure. It's getting stronger and I'm caving in. I can't breath. I can't see. I'm spinning. The current is spinning. And still the anchor is sinking .. Where is the floor of sand-brushed stone? Where is the end? What is this space between the weight and the light? Why am I trapped here? Is there no escape? my hands are not tied and yet I' am bound. Have I no choice?
No comments:
Post a Comment