Nightingale ...

Step into the night
To the cold and windy air
The sky so far away
The stars to very near

Pull the blanket tighter
For comfort more than fear
Breath sans hesitation
let night mask all despair

Run from what's behind you
Look back, but don't regret

I shy away from light
The shadow's that it brings
I sink into the night
And let darkness softly sing

Lifted from my grievances
Distanced from my pains
One small breath to get me through
hide what my soul contains
~last night

I sleep because it's the closest thing to death
Because in sleep I never dream
Because my dreams never come true

I sleep because it's my only vice
Because I'm not allowed to starve
Because I'm not allowed to die
 ~Yesterday afternoon


I can't do it. I can't do anything. I can't breath. Nothing is working. I've been more honest with this girl than anyone else and she throws it back in my face repeating the things I don't want anyone to know in front of strangers and friends alike.HONESTY is NOT the best policy. Disregard anyone that tells you differently. If I was always completely honest I would probably be institutionalized right now. Well, more accurately, I'd probably be on drugs of one kind or another. Sometimes I feel like that might be the right thing to do. But I always feel that if I did that I'd lose myself and only pull myself down deeper.
I still haven't weighed myself. I felt like I'd lost yesterday, but I got depressed, and I binged, and I fear I may be at an all time high. I don't even know if I want to know. It won't make a difference. No matter what that number says it will never be enough. So I'll continue without knowing.
Nothing matters anyways. WE all have goals, but we also all end up in the same place. It's just a matter of what path we take. Billions of beginnings, all leading to one end. My only hope is that I reach the end soon, or at the very least, follow the shortest path. It's snowing today :/ I'm in the mood for rain or soon so of course it snows, but I'll make do.I'll be happy some day. I have got to look on the bright side
Bright side. Um. My dog's cute. I finished the Hunger Game's series. It's spring break.
Stay strong ladies. We'll make it :D

Special thanks to :

Katie Ehrlich ~ the first few days were hard, but it does feel good to be free of  it. Still unhappy, but it's one less reason to be unhappy. I'll have to face it eventually, but for now it's nice.