First off, the title. It's a running joke with a fiend of mine from health class. When we were learning about blood types (B positive, B negative) it became our new "how are you." A be positive day was a good day, be negative, bad. Over time we introduced things like be neutral etc. Today I said be interesting.
Today was a "be interesting" day for several reasons. To begin, I brought all of my books and papers, and even my calculator to school, but I forgot my backpack. Who forgets their backpack when they go to school? Who forgets their backpack, and remembers everything else? Apparently I do. An interesting start to the day. Thankfully we received our graded projects from sewing 1st period, and they were drawstring back-sacks. Perfect. :) In English I finished part of my project, but of course now I must write a monologue. I don't know where to begin. I know that my inner dialogue could surpass the length requirement, but it might also surpass the thresh hold of normalcy, and I don't want to be sent to the school psychologist. Health was uneventful, and I honestly believe I failed my chemistry test. Then there was dance. I currently live by a teacher's saying "if you rest, you rust." It gives me the motivation I need to keep giving it my all, and with everything I see reflected in the mirror with every turn of the head during class, I know I need that motivation. I weighed heavily on that mantra during my first class. It was a flexible day, and I felt strong, but nothing was working. I was ready to bash my head against the wall. The second class was much the same. It's with younger girls, and they were turning better than I was. Our instructor spoke, and I tried again. If you rest, you rust. I did a perfect triple. Three beautiful rotations, perfectly placed, and the instructor actually saw it. I tried again. Four. Again. Four. Again. Again. Again. Again and again and again. 3, 4, 4, 3, 3, 5. 5!! I left class on cloud nine. Finally, I had broken the barrier.
And all of this, was on two glasses of green tea. :D My liquid fast went fairly well. I didn't make it all the way though.
Breakfast: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Lunch: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Dinner: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Then I broke. My mother brought home a feast. I drank my tea and tried to ignore it, but with the aroma in the air and my tea gone I started opening the pantry. Thinking of carbs, and lots of them. I ate some of the Cobb salad she'd brought; no dressing. 3 or 4 bites. 3 bites of BBQ beans. I knew it was that or binge later. I'm happy with my choice.
All in all: around 300-350 calories.
Not the ideal 0, but better than the usual 1200 :( I'm ashamed of that number. This should be the new usual. It will be :)The scales did not tip in my favor. 103 lb. I was trying so hard not to get on the scale, but I was jittery. I pondered the number that would appear all day. I was like a drug addict. I needed the number. I needed the scale. I needed to know.
I need to let go. This is unhealthy. I shouldn't need the scale. I shouldn't need the numbers. Numbers shouldn't make or brake me. That number shouldn't determine who I am. That number shouldn't guide my every thought. That number shouldn't drive my mood. That number shouldn't rule my mind. That number shouldn't mean so much. That number.
It does.
Today was a "be interesting" day for several reasons. To begin, I brought all of my books and papers, and even my calculator to school, but I forgot my backpack. Who forgets their backpack when they go to school? Who forgets their backpack, and remembers everything else? Apparently I do. An interesting start to the day. Thankfully we received our graded projects from sewing 1st period, and they were drawstring back-sacks. Perfect. :) In English I finished part of my project, but of course now I must write a monologue. I don't know where to begin. I know that my inner dialogue could surpass the length requirement, but it might also surpass the thresh hold of normalcy, and I don't want to be sent to the school psychologist. Health was uneventful, and I honestly believe I failed my chemistry test. Then there was dance. I currently live by a teacher's saying "if you rest, you rust." It gives me the motivation I need to keep giving it my all, and with everything I see reflected in the mirror with every turn of the head during class, I know I need that motivation. I weighed heavily on that mantra during my first class. It was a flexible day, and I felt strong, but nothing was working. I was ready to bash my head against the wall. The second class was much the same. It's with younger girls, and they were turning better than I was. Our instructor spoke, and I tried again. If you rest, you rust. I did a perfect triple. Three beautiful rotations, perfectly placed, and the instructor actually saw it. I tried again. Four. Again. Four. Again. Again. Again. Again and again and again. 3, 4, 4, 3, 3, 5. 5!! I left class on cloud nine. Finally, I had broken the barrier.
And all of this, was on two glasses of green tea. :D My liquid fast went fairly well. I didn't make it all the way though.
Breakfast: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Lunch: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Dinner: Green tea with honey: 40ish cal
Then I broke. My mother brought home a feast. I drank my tea and tried to ignore it, but with the aroma in the air and my tea gone I started opening the pantry. Thinking of carbs, and lots of them. I ate some of the Cobb salad she'd brought; no dressing. 3 or 4 bites. 3 bites of BBQ beans. I knew it was that or binge later. I'm happy with my choice.
All in all: around 300-350 calories.
Not the ideal 0, but better than the usual 1200 :( I'm ashamed of that number. This should be the new usual. It will be :)The scales did not tip in my favor. 103 lb. I was trying so hard not to get on the scale, but I was jittery. I pondered the number that would appear all day. I was like a drug addict. I needed the number. I needed the scale. I needed to know.
I need to let go. This is unhealthy. I shouldn't need the scale. I shouldn't need the numbers. Numbers shouldn't make or brake me. That number shouldn't determine who I am. That number shouldn't guide my every thought. That number shouldn't drive my mood. That number shouldn't rule my mind. That number shouldn't mean so much. That number.
It does.
Special Thanks to ~
Glad to hear from you as well, and thank you
If you rest, you rust.
Let's not rust, stay strong beautiful! Yes, I mean you.
wow you did really well with eating. i wish i weighed 103 pounds. your doing very well hun.
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