Iron Wall

I just cant take it any more. I want it all to end so badly, but I can't bring myself to do it. Because I am pathetic. I don't care how many people tell me this or that, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that I've spent my whole life dancing and I'll go nowhere. It doesn't change the fact that my brain has driven me mad trying to keep itself entertained because my parents keep my body busy instead of my mind. Nothing can change the fact that I don't want to be the beautiful dancer everyone seems to think I can, will, should, WHATEVER, be. I'm not a ballerina. I'm not a bunhead. I'm just a head.
I keep getting brochures and letters from colleges because of my testing scores. Every single one is like a slap across my face. My mother said I was a house divided, dance and school. All I can see in my head is something wrapped so tightly and stretched so thin being pulled to a point where a tear is inevitable. I see myself as a thin faded fabric. So thin you can see through me without obstruction. So faded you can no longer tell what I am. So weak the thought of a tear could destroy me. So light you can't tell I'm there.
I'm invisible, but I know I am seen. I feel helpless, powerless, trapped in rut destined for a future I didn't want with an iron wall blocking the way. Where can I go? What can I do?